I’ve had this post in the works for a while now, I’ve just never known how to word it. If you don’t like more personal posts I’d click away now. I’m not too sure how this is going to go, as I’m struggling to put everything into words already. Just be prepared for a mess. I’ve tried to hide it with the subtitles, but we shall see.
I’ve been struggling with my blog for a while. I got to a place where I didn’t love it as much as I used to, and it’s been killing me. All of my inspiration and motivation disappeared, but I felt like I had to push through it. Which is what I’ve been doing since round about November. Who knows why I decided to do Blogmas, as it pretty much killed me off.
Being a Perfectionist
My problem is I’m a perfectionist, and I’ve always dealt with it and managed to get through it. Add in the extra lack of inspiration and motivation and it’s been a battle. I never thought being a perfectionist was a bad thing, but it got to a point where I was picking apart every aspect of my content, and I hated it all. Then feeling annoyed with myself that I wasn’t getting it right, when I don’t even know what right is.
I’m just not happy with what I was putting out, and when it came to taking photos, I had no idea what to do. I’d be retaking photos numerous of times because I was never happy with them. I’m too hard on myself, and this break has really allowed me to see how bad it was becoming.
However I had my schedule, and I’d feel like I failed for not being able to keep up with it. When in reality I was staring at a blank screen not knowing what to put, but I’d feel like I had to put something up. That was something I never wanted to do, and it shouldn’t be like that. I started this blog for fun and as a hobby, but it got a point where I wasn’t allowing it to be fun anymore.
I managed to get to a place where I was setting myself goals and not celebrating them once I’d reach them. Or I’d be happy about it for about an hour, and then focus on the next thing. Reaching 1k on Bloglovin was a massive goal of mine, and I was ecstatic to reach it. After a while I stopped focusing on it though, and moved on to the next thing which sounds terrible. One thing I’m trying to get better at is celebrating success, and not pushing myself for something bigger straight away.
Struggling with perfectionism is something completely new to me because it only really seems to affect my blog, but it’s hit it hard. I know I’ve got to this point, by ignoring it and hoping it’ll go away, but after months and months it’s all got too much.
Having a Break
My break has allowed me to see how bad it has become and take the pressure off. Not that there was any in the first place, only from myself. With not struggling with perfectionism before I thought I could just carry on. However it got to a point where it was affecting my mental health.
I’ve had my break looked at the bigger picture. Finally allowing myself to see how far I’ve come and realise that I need to try to change my outlook.
I remember sitting at the chair to my vanity and looking at the pictures on my wall. (If you’re curious I have a photo of it in this post) I looked at my photos from my blog, and for the first time I didn’t hate them. Instead of picking out faults, I felt proud. In a really strange way. This might not sound like a lot, but it’s the first time for a long time that I’ve been happy with something I’ve done. I also saw the screenshot of the email from bloglovin with the 1k email, and it sunk in. Being able to celebrate and feel happy about what I’ve produced has felt amazing and given me the motivation to get back into it.
This break has been everything that I’ve needed for the past however many months, and I’m so glad that it happened. If it hadn’t I may have self combust.
So that’s where I’ve been. I’ve taken time out for myself and switched off from everything for a while. It’s been exactly what I need and I’ve actually learnt something which was a surprise.
I also feel really over dramatic right now, but I’ve been feeling really down lately, and I’m just glad to be getting out of it.
Have you ever struggled with something like this?
A huge thank you for reading and for sticking with me.