I’m Struggling

I’ve had this post in the works for a while now, I’ve just never known how to word it. If you don’t like more personal posts I’d click away now. I’m not too sure how this is going to go, as I’m struggling to put everything into words already. Just be prepared for a mess. I’ve tried to hide it with the subtitles, but we shall see.

Struggling

I’ve been struggling with my blog for a while. I got to a place where I didn’t love it as much as I used to, and it’s been killing me. All of my inspiration and motivation disappeared, but I felt like I had to push through it. Which is what I’ve been doing since round about November. Who knows why I decided to do Blogmas, as it pretty much killed me off.

Being a Perfectionist

My problem is I’m a perfectionist, and I’ve always dealt with it and managed to get through it. Add in the extra lack of inspiration and motivation and it’s been a battle. I never thought being a perfectionist was a bad thing, but it got to a point where I was picking apart every aspect of my content, and I hated it all. Then feeling annoyed with myself that I wasn’t getting it right, when I don’t even know what right is.

I’m just not happy with what I was putting out, and when it came to taking photos, I had no idea what to do. I’d be retaking photos numerous of times because I was never happy with them. I’m too hard on myself, and this break has really allowed me to see how bad it was becoming.

However I had my schedule, and I’d feel like I failed for not being able to keep up with it. When in reality I was staring at a blank screen not knowing what to put, but I’d feel like I had to put something up. That was something I never wanted to do, and it shouldn’t be like that. I started this blog for fun and as a hobby, but it got a point where I wasn’t allowing it to be fun anymore.

Celebrating Success

 I managed to get to a place where I was setting myself goals and not celebrating them once I’d reach them. Or I’d be happy about it for about an hour, and then focus on the next thing. Reaching 1k on Bloglovin was a massive goal of mine, and I was ecstatic to reach it. After a while I stopped focusing on it though, and moved on to the next thing which sounds terrible. One thing I’m trying to get better at is celebrating success, and not pushing myself for something bigger straight away.

Struggling with perfectionism is something completely new to me because it only really seems to affect my blog, but it’s hit it hard. I know I’ve got to this point, by ignoring it and hoping it’ll go away, but after months and months it’s all got too much.

Having a Break

My break has allowed me to see how bad it has become and take the pressure off. Not that there was any in the first place, only from myself. With not struggling with perfectionism before I thought I could just carry on. However it got to a point where it was affecting my mental health.

I’ve had my break looked at the bigger picture. Finally allowing myself to see how far I’ve come and realise that I need to try to change my outlook.

Seeing Change

I remember sitting at the chair to my vanity and looking at the pictures on my wall. (If you’re curious I have a photo of it in this postI looked at my photos from my blog, and for the first time I didn’t hate them. Instead of picking out faults, I felt  proud. In a really strange way. This might not sound like a lot, but it’s the first time for a long time that I’ve been happy with something I’ve done. I also saw the screenshot of the email from bloglovin with the 1k email, and it sunk in. Being able to celebrate and feel happy about what I’ve produced has felt amazing and given me the motivation to get back into it.

This break has been everything that I’ve needed for the past however many months, and I’m so glad that it happened. If it hadn’t I may have self combust.

So that’s where I’ve been. I’ve taken time out for myself and switched off from everything for a while. It’s been exactly what I need and I’ve actually learnt something which was a surprise.

I also feel really over dramatic right now, but I’ve been feeling really down lately, and I’m just glad to be getting out of it.

Have you ever struggled with something like this?

A huge thank you for reading and for sticking with me.

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16 Comments

  1. 20th May 2018 / 3:50 pm

    I feel like this SO often, I bet we all do. It’s such a competitive community that we’re probably too hard on ourselves but I’ve decided to focus on my blog and stop obsessing over IG as it wasn’t worth the stress and I feel so much happier just focusing on my blog and not trying to do a million things at the same time. I really hope you’re OK xxx

    Gemma • Gemma Etc . ❤️

    • 20th May 2018 / 5:03 pm

      It’s such a horrible feeling isn’t it? That’s definitely a good idea, I’ve took time away from Instagram for a while as it can become really draining. I am doing much better thank you xxx

  2. 20th May 2018 / 5:56 pm

    I’m happy to hear that you are doing a little better, but sorry to hear you’ve not been having the best time. The pressure of success is something I have personally struggled with, so I understand what you’ve been feeling like. Don’t put pressure on yourself, i hope everything will be ok for you soon x

  3. 20th May 2018 / 7:02 pm

    Every once in a while it’s only natural we feel a little bit… I would say fed up with what we are currently doing. I think with such feelings it’s only natural to wonder if maybe some change is necessary – maybe even in content. Apparently we grow internally with time so our content might frequently change as well.
    Dorota
    http://www.fetchcandle.wordpress.com

  4. Lauren
    21st May 2018 / 2:52 pm

    I think every single blogger feels this more often than anyone would ever care to admit! There is a lot of pressures that come with blogging these days and it can put a massive strain on every single one of us. I think it’s always important to remember that you’re not alone in this and you need to do what is best for you.

    Lauren | itslaurenvictoria.co.uk

  5. Velvet Blush
    21st May 2018 / 5:59 pm

    I think it is normal that often as soon as we hit one milestone, we look towards the next one, rather than seeing how far we’ve come. Honestly, your content is lovely and you always come across as so relatable, but I understand where you’re coming from. There is a lot of content in beauty blogging nowadays and I guess sometimes we compare ourselves to that aswell. I would just do what makes you happy, and post about what you want, and when you want! xx

    Velvet Blush

  6. 21st May 2018 / 8:42 pm

    As someone who also sees herself as a perfectionist, your post really struck a chord with me! I’m sorry that you’ve been feeling this way, it really sucks to be in a creative rut where you’re questioning everything and nothing seems to be enough. When it comes to blogging, everything is so competitive and numbers-driven that it can be quite detrimental to our self-confidence and just well-being in general! I’m glad that you’re feeling better though, and I look forward to seeing your posts more often. Yours is one of the first few blogs I started following after my re-entry to the blogging world, and I enjoy reading it. 🙂 Take care.

    Sneha | lifewithsneha.com

  7. 21st May 2018 / 11:15 pm

    Ohh you shouldn’t feel down about your blog. It’s always been such an inspiration for me, I remember the first time I visited it I was wowed, honestly, you’ve done so well.

    I get days when I feel crappy about my blog and even ask myself what on earth am I doing but then a fab PR email comes along with a great opportunity and I’ll perk up again!
    It’s good to hear you’ve got your blogging mojo back now. Onwards and upwards!

    Samantha x

    http://thebeautyspyglass.com

  8. 22nd May 2018 / 4:22 pm

    Hannah, over the last while, since discovering your blog, I’ve fallen in love with it. Throughout your break, I was coming back to it fairly often to see if you’d posted because I always enjoy reading what you’ve got to put out. Not only have you given me inspiration for some of my photos (I only wish mine were as good as yours, trust me)but also to continue blogging in general, as I took long breaks and felt like this at a certain time. You should be incredibly proud of everything you’ve done and how far you’ve come – you have a seriously beautiful blog and people actually care about what you say, which is straight away a MASSIVE achievement. Your blog posts have always made me smile and to hear that your motivation has returned makes me smile even more. x
    Even more love than normal,
    Marina Rosie x

  9. 23rd May 2018 / 2:41 am

    As a perfectionist, it could be extremely simple for us to get frustrated with ourselves and not really being happy with with the way we do things. I’m happy to hear that you’ve been doing better at accepting yourself, and giving yourself a bit of a break. I absolutely love your blog and everything you produce. Stay strong Hannah! xxx

    Melina | http://www.melinaelisa.com

  10. 23rd May 2018 / 8:45 pm

    I feel this on so many levels, especially when celebrating success! Once I reach a goal, I’m happy for the smallest amount of time and then am striving for the next goal and it can get so exhausting as you don’t really stop to appreciate how far you’ve really come. It’s really good to know you’re getting back into what you love because you want to not because you feel like you need to! I look forward to reading some passionate and imperfectly-perfect posts!
    Alice Xx

  11. 26th May 2018 / 8:55 am

    I was in a similar situation last year – with not only my blog, but my personal life too. I took a break from blogging and took my personal life easy. You do need regular breaks to keep going, definitely! x

    http://www.itsmeganelizabeth.blogspot.co.uk

  12. 27th May 2018 / 10:09 pm

    I feel like this often, too. It’s gotten to the point where I haven’t been consistent with my posts for a solid year. I’m stuck in a rut that I don’t know how to get out of. It really sucks x

    Erin Azmir

  13. 29th May 2018 / 10:26 pm

    First of all, I’m obsessed with that laptop sleeve! Where did you get it, may I ask?

    Secondly: it’s good to get things like this off your chest and put it into words. You will see many people feel the same sometimes! I’m a massive planner when it comed to my blog, I always plan out ideas way in advance so that it sort of never comes to a day where I sit in front of my computer and this post has to go up tomorrow and I have nothing. Honestly, I used to stress over it so much but I’ve come to accept that if I ever have to skip a day of posting because I don’t have anything prepared, so be it. I used to daily blog the first year I started my blog, but that was just insane. Over the last 2 years I’ve cut down on my schedule twice, and now I (only) blog twice a week. I think even once is enough, as long as you can handle it and still find joy in doing it. But I will say, write down your ideas when you get them and try to plan them in for a certain day to go up. One day you’ll be overflowing and you’ve got the next month worth of posts sorted, you just need to write them and take photos whenever you’ve got a bit of time on your hands!

    Don’t worry, it’s mostly a hobby and it needs to be fun. Otherwise there’s no point in keeping on blogging 😉 so take whatever time you need, this little space is yours!

    Love, Charline | Charline Has a Blog  

  14. 19th June 2018 / 1:58 pm

    Being a perfectionist I totally get you and your struggles. Sometimes, it is hard to focus on the good sides of things. But I’m saying this as a friend: Do see the good things in life, otherwise life is just so hard 🙁

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